Asian food · avocado · Dating · dinner · easy · gluten free · healthy · lunch · quick · Rice · Sauces · snacks · vegan · Vegetables · vegetarian · veggies · Yummy

Vietnamese Summer Rolls and New Pants!

I did it… I retired my private pants. It would have been a sad day, except I now have 2 pairs of the GREATEST PANTS ON EARTH. My boyfriend (that’s right, I said it) refers to them as my “Aladdin pants,” due to their majestic flowy-ness (He was actually mocking me, but I’m sure it was done with love). I had plans with him the other day, and he texted ahead of time asking if we could just stay in. I was like, “Fuck yeah.  I was planning on wearing my fancy sweatpants anyway.” Since my new fancy sweatpants have huge slits up the outside of each leg, I couldn’t actually wear them to his place (it’s too cold for that nonsensical bullshit). That means I showed up in leggings and literally took my pants off in his entryway to put on my new, sexy sweatpants. Yes, sweatpants can totally be sexy (he would disagree, but we’re not asking him). He did agree on their functionality, stating that they are essentially the pants version of “sticking a leg out from under the blanket when sleeping.”

I bought a second pair to keep at his place, so I can stop stripping in his entryway. I’m sure he’s disappointed.

I also wore these to the AcroYoga retreat last weekend. I brought an entire bag of clothes – probably 3 full outfits. But I only wore these fucking amazing pants, and the outfit I drove in (both there and back). I mean, honestly, why put on something that will make me less happy?

Speaking of acro, my lovely acro friend, Jamie, taught me how to make these rolls. The recipe called for cilantro, but she is a kind soul that would never even think of having such a monstrous thing near me. They are oddly filling, so make sure you’re hungry. Also, we ate them with mushroom and tofu miso soup, which was a nice appetizer with it. They’re crazy simple, and really refreshing in the middle of winter. They’d also be nice in the summer when you don’t want to turn the stove or oven on.

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Vietnamese Summer Rolls

Rice paper

Rice noodles (cooked according to package instructions)

Big leaves of lettuce (I used Romaine, but they were a little too huge)

Avocado, sliced (critical to add because otherwise everything just tastes like crunchy water – you need fat!!)

Carrots/Cucumber/Bell pepper, sliced thinly

Bean sprouts (I forgot, which made me sad)

Siracha

Peanut butter and Hoisin (equal parts, mixed together, for the sauce)

YOU WILL NEED WAX PAPER FOR THIS RECIPE

For the rice paper: Use a large saute pan filled with warm water (NOT HOT) to soak the rice paper. You’ll do this one at a time, and they only need to be soaked for maybe one full minute at most (I kept feeling mine, and pulled it out once it was soft-ish).* Once the rice paper is soft and foldable, pull it out of the water and spread it out on wax paper. You can lay out a few before starting to fill them, but don’t let them sit too long (they get sticky).

For the filling: Start by placing one large lettuce leaf in the center of each rice paper. From there, layer avocado and veggies of choice. Top with a small handful of rice noodles and a heavy squirt of Siracha.

To roll: Fold the top and bottom of the rice paper over the filling. Then choose a side to start at – pull that side of the rice paper all the way across the filling and tuck it under the lettuce leaf. Continue to roll in that direction. The rice paper will stick to itself. It takes a few tries to get it right, but the janky ones are delicious, too, so don’t stress about it.

For the sauce: Mix equal parts peanut butter and hoisin sauce together. I ended up adding a tiny bit of warm water as well, because the sauce was super thick. The sauce adds a much needed fat as well, so definitely don’t skip it.

Serve with the sauce on the side. Race your friend to see how many each of you can eat (it’ll be shockingly few). Make more sauce and eat it on everything.

*There is definitely an inappropriate joke to be made here.

comfort food · dinner · easy · healthy · lunch · pasta · quick · soup · Vegetables · vegetarian · veggies · Yummy

Spinach Tortellini Soup and New Year’s Resolutions

I fucking hate New Year’s Resolutions, but I always secretly make one anyway. I mean, not that that is exclusive to January 1st, though. I always think that starting tomorrow/next week/next month I’m going to start being healthier/more active/more organized/thinner/smarter/more well read/somehow better than I am. It doesn’t matter how much I advocate for loving yourself just as you are, society has still been telling me my entire life that I’m not good enough. I certainly don’t need the reminder every fucking January that I’m still not good enough. Fuck you, January. You don’t know me.

Self love is a constant struggle.

So, in an effort to exercise more (because I want to, not because some shitty-ass Instagram post told me to), I have been taking more aerial fitness classes (and by “more,” I mean two so far). Aerial seems like something I’d be good at… it seems like something that would come naturally to me. I have a strong yoga practice and have been doing AcroYoga for the last year and a half. I’m familiar with being upside down, and I’m pretty bendy. But I’m also heavy. And I haven’t really worked on my upper body strength a whole lot, so…

Fuck. I’m so bad at it. I took a class the other day that was taught by a teacher trainee. Walking into the ice cold studio, I was greeted by a woman in Lululemon workout gear, curled hair, and a full face of make-up. She smiled and bounced over to me, which caused nothing on her body to move at all because she was clearly 0% body fat. There’s nothing wrong with looking like a marble statue! Nothing at all! That’s just not what I look like, and I can only handle so many discouragements when entering a new fitness class. We started with some “warm-ups.” I feel like she kept emphasizing the fact that we were just “warming up”, which made my panting, sweaty ass feel like shit. She referenced our abs several times, and I was like, “What? Where?” as I glanced down at the soft rolls of my belly as I did standing planks while desperately clinging to the aerial silk. I sloppily attempted to pull my entire body weight forward, while maintaining the reverse plank in mid-air, and I kept thinking, “Dear, God, please don’t let me fall backwards before we’ve even gotten into the silks. I can’t handle that kind of humiliation today. I’m far too delicate.”

Once we got “warmed-up,” we got into some of the aerials (poses/moves with our entire bodies in the silks – often involving being upside down). Fuck yes. This is the shit I’m here for. Bring on the inversions! The first one involves hanging upside down with the silk supporting me at my waist. Okay. Great. Got it! Then she had us “crochet” our legs in the silks for added support, so that we could then reach for the silk above our feet, and pull ourselves all the way up into a seated position. You’re following this, right? Because I’m not. Literally everyone else in class just pulled themselves up like it was fucking nothing. But me? I’m over here using all my ab strength just to reach for the fabric. I literally can’t do a pull-up. Not even one. Never could. It’s just not in the cards for me. So pulling myself up from an inversion feels insurmountable. I’m just dangling there, trying first with my right hand, then my left, which is starting to make the silk sway back and forth. I grab on with both hands (finally), and pull with everything in me. Nothing happens.

Let me try that again.

No luck. At this point, I am swaying back and forth while grunting. Everyone else is resting comfortably in their makeshift chairs as the instructor has them practice doing pretty poses in the air. Fuck you guys.

I gave up and just hung upside down like that’s where I wanted to be.

Later in class there was the “vampire pose,” which consisted of pulling up so much that your entire upper body goes all the way through (with the silk wrapped around your waist) and you land in the silk, but parallel to the floor (like if you were pretending to be Superman). The instructor did it very quickly, and it honestly just looked like a great way to break my face. Fuuuuuuuck that shit. I’m out.

During Christmas week I made this soup to make sure I had something other than cookies to eat. It’s so simple and lovely, and makes the apartment smell like cozy winter evenings. Try it – you’ll love it.

 

Spinach Tortellini Soup

1 medium onion, diced

2 carrots, peels and sliced

2 stalks celery, diced

“5 ounces” baby spinach (just grab some big handfuls)

8 ounces (about) frozen tortellini (No, I did not make that shit from scratch. I’m not Martha Stewart, and I’m okay with that.)

8 cups veggie broth  (Make your own! It’s easy! Just boil shit!)*

Olive oil

Salt and pepper

A few sprinkles of dried parsley

Optional: Shredded parmesan to serve

Heat a drizzle of olive oil in a large soup pot (it’s easiest if this is all done in the same pot – duh). Throw in the onion, carrots, and celery. Saute until cooked through (a few minutes), stirring occasionally. Add a little salt and pepper. It’ll be more flavorful if you let the veggies brown a little bit. Stir in the veggie broth and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and allow to simmer for a few minutes. Add in the frozen tortellini and simmer until they’re warmed through (I mean, just pay attention). Once everything is ready, then finally add in the spinach. It only takes a minute or two for it to fully wilt into hot soup. Sprinkle with parsley and salt and pepper to taste. Serve with some shredded parm (I’m usually a big cheese advocate, but this isn’t super necessary if your tortellini already has cheese in it… which it should, or you’re doing it wrong).

Eat up! You’ll need your energy for humiliating yourself at your next fitness class.

*Not literally.

dinner · easy · gluten free · healthy · lunch · mushrooms · quick · salad · sides · vegan · Vegetables · vegetarian

Roasted Mushroom Arugula Salad and a Bruised Ego

Hannah and I decided to try the adult version of paint by numbers. Did y’all know this was a thing? I fucking didn’t. But it showed up on Hannah’s Facebook newsfeed with a timelapse video of someone completing a whole painting in like a minute. It looked like a fucking masterpiece, and we were convinced. I have a fucking art degree – this’ll be a breeze. Right?

Wrong.

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It’s an elephant. Can’t you tell?

I couldn’t even finish filling in all the #1 spots. And this took me two and a half hours. To make matters worse, sitting for that long was fucking painful. Why? Because my klutzy ass fell down the stairs the other day. It would be funny, except I landed directly on my tailbone… and then bounced down another 4 stairs. Fuuuuuck. That shit hurt both my ass and my ego. Luckily, there was no one around to witness it. And I was able to get up quickly enough to avoid curious neighbors peeking out their doors, wondering what in the fuck crash landed into their apartment building. Nothing to look at here – just a chubby girl. Please look away.

I’m literally traveling to Hawaii today, which means my sore ass will be on a plane for 8ish hours. And I always pick a window seat because I want something to lean against, and I hate people. This means I’ll have to make 2 other people move for me to relieve the pressure on my ass. Sigh.

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I made this salad as a side dish from a Hello Fresh recipe a few weeks ago. It was paired with a brie grilled cheese. I just scooped the salad right into the center of that sandwich. It was fucking brilliant. Try it out. Pro tip: To save time, you could just saute mushrooms, but you can’t do as many at once.

Roasted Mushroom Arugula Salad

8-10 button or crimini mushrooms, sliced

1 large handful arugula

2-3 teaspoons Balsamic vinegar

Juice from one wedge of lemon

Olive oil

Salt and pepper

1 tablespoon fresh Rosemary, minced

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Toss the mushrooms with a heavy drizzle of olive oil and salt and pepper. Spread out onto a baking sheet and sprinkle with the Rosemary. Bake for 15-20 minutes, stirring once halfway through. Place the arugula into a medium mixing bowl. Top with the roasted mushrooms. Drizzle with the Balsamic, olive oil, and lemon juice. Add and little salt and pepper and toss to coat everything. Serve right away with a grilled cheese – shoveling all that green goodness into the sandwich.

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This is after another hour of painting.

comfort food · Crock pot · dinner · easy · healthy · lunch · mushrooms · soup · vegan · Vegetables · vegetarian

Mushroom Barley Soup and Matchbox 20

Apparently I’ve gotten to the age of going to concerts at casinos. Matchbox 20 and Counting Crows were at Treasure Island Casino last weekend. Hannah and I lost our damn minds. How is Rob Thomas still hot as fuuuuuuck?

I didn’t even know Matchbox 20 was still together. When I discovered they were going to be performing together, I was completely shocked. Thought maybe someone was fucking with me. Since Hannah and I bonded over our mutual love of them upon first meeting, we splurged for the $800 VIP tickets for the real fans that got to BE ON STAGE WITH THEM.

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LOL JK

We paid $25 and stood in the grass behind all the real seats. BUT IT WAS STILL AMAZING.

As soon as the Counting Crows finished, it starting pouring rain. They told everyone to go inside the casino until the storm passed, but Hannah was like, “Fuck that shit. We’re staying.” We were already soaked, and decided it wasn’t worth the trouble to attempt to go inside with thousands of other people. Instead, we ended up joining forces with another 4 women that had commandeered a tarp they found on the ground. They welcomed us into their stolen shelter and offered us each half a beer (they had been knocked over and spilled much of their contents… but beggars can’t be choosers, right?). We squatted together in the dark, sipping our beers, and getting to know one another, as the lightning flashed outside. And by “outside,” I mean right over my ass, which was too big to make it fully inside the tarp. #bigbootyproblems

Once the rain let up, our new friends wandered off. Hannah had to go to the bathroom, so I saved our spot while Instagraming the video of us singing along to “Long December.” While figuring out my hashtags, I felt a poke in my side/belly. I looked up to see a man that had that used-to-be-a-jock-but-now-mostly-drinks-beer-and-watches-football look. You know what I’m talking about. He was poking me with his umbrella and saying, “Hey…. who are you texting?” I told him I was Instagraming, actually. Apparently he interpretted that as, “Why don’t you join me?” because suddenly he was right next to me, asking to be on my Instagram. I took a photo with him to both appease him and to be friendly. It has since been deleted. I asked his name and he jovially shouted, “I’m Tyler! Ty!” Great. He’s very excitable. Hannah came to my rescue moments later. After telling her that I met my new friend via “umbrella poke,” she exclaimed, “How phallic of you!” Poor Ty had a look of utter confusion on his face and stated that he didn’t speak French.

The man literally didn’t know the meaning of the word “phallic.” Is this real life?

It’s okay, buddy… you’re doing a great job. Just keep making inappropriate jokes and asking to be my boyfriend. That’s definitely how it works.

So, after we thoroughly explain the meaning of the word “phallic,” I asked him where his friends were, since I didn’t see him with anyone at the concert. He casually responded that his wife was “right over there.”

I’m sorry… what?

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The wife eventually joined us. I looked at them both and asked her, “Did you know he was talking to me?” She said yes, and that it’s fine if he talks to other women. Then I asked the obvious question…. “Did you know your husband doesn’t know the meaning of the word phallic?” She also developed a look of confusion, and I felt happy knowing that two such people had been able to find each other in this big, crazy world.

After the vocab lesson, I asked the more pressing question, “Are you in an open relationship?” They both responded at the same time… he said yes, and she said no. Okay. Great. She goes on to explain that it’s healthier for them both to just be able to flirt with whoever they want, because otherwise people lie and it just ends in divorce. She explained that they’re open with each other about being attracted to other people. That’s the only part I understand about the whole thing. I then went on to ask them both, “What would have happened if I had been interested?” Ty chuckled as only a former jock can, and said, “Too bad for you!” His wife looked at me, rolled her eyes, and said, “Trust me, you don’t want him.” I was like, “Oh… I know.

He then went on to say that he wasn’t hitting on me at all. Twenty year old Kelsey would have shrunk back, embarrassed at my assumption. How dare I think I am worthy of such a man’s time and attention? Gaslighting used to work so well on me. Thirty-two year old Kelsey responded with condescension, “Oh, honey…. yes you fucking were.” While the whole thing was funny/ridiculous, the idea of them going out and actively hitting on another person for pure sport really pisses me off. If I had been genuinely interested, his flippant attitude about leading me on would have really hurt my feelings. I understand their point about being able to flirt while in a healthy, monogamous relationship… but that doesn’t mean actively seeking someone out at a concert/bar/club. I was fully expecting him to ask for my phone number – it was a blatant come on, and that’s not okay if you’re not interested.

Let’s get one thing straight, though… I would absolutely never entertain the idea of dating someone that doesn’t know the meaning of the word phallic.

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Hannah and I pretending to be emo as fuck in the rain.

Unrelated to anything in this post (per usual): I made this soup last week, after discovering a vegan crock pot cookbook at the library. It had the mushrooms measured out by ounces, but I didn’t know how to go about weighing shit in the bulk area at my co-op. It was supposed to be 5 ounces of shiitake mushrooms, and 4 ounces of button mushrooms. I made up my own measurements, as you’ll see in the recipe below. I honestly think it doesn’t fucking matter. Also, if you want to make this on the stove, just simmer it all until the barley is cooked through (I’d tell you how long, but I have no fucking idea because I never cook barley – good luck!).

If you noticed on my Instagram a few weeks ago, I went back to eating meat per my doctor’s suggestion. That lasted all of 4 days. Now I’m looking for ideas on how to cut back on dairy, and still get enough protein in without eating meat. Feel free to send me links to your favorite healthy vegetarian/vegan recipes.

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Mushroom Barley Soup

2 1/2ish cups button mushrooms (measured while still whole)

2ish cups shiitake mushrooms (measured while still whole)

0.5oz dried porcini mushrooms

1 medium onion, diced

1 clove garlic, minced

6 cups veggie broth

1 cup boiling water

Salt and pepper

2/3 cup barley

Pour the porcini mushrooms into a small bowl and cover with boiling water. Let sit for 15 minutes. Drain mushrooms but save the mushroom water to add to the soup. Chop up the porcini mushrooms once they are re-hydrated. While they’re soaking, slice the rest of the mushrooms and saute with onions over medium-high heat in a little olive oil. Saute for a few minutes, then add the garlic and salt and pepper. Cook for another couple of minutes and scoop into a crock pot (you’ll have to do this in batches because the mushrooms won’t all fit in the same pan at once). While this makes for more work than your standard crock pot recipe, cooking the mushrooms first really adds a lot of flavor.

Throw all that shit into the crock pot and turn that shit on low. Leave it alone for 6-8 hours. Done. Boom. Fucking delicious vegan soup. Share it with your friends. Eat it by yourself in your underwear. Whatthefuckever.

Just don’t hit on someone unless you’re actually interested in them. Aka: Don’t be a shitty human.

P.S. This is what Rob Thomas looks like now:

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You’re welcome.

comfort food · dinner · easy · gluten free · healthy · lunch · quick · Rice · Tacos · vegan · vegetarian

Veggie Tacos and Drunken Tinder-ing

It happened. I caught the feelings. And my soul was crushed.

Again, I can be very dramatic. But that doesn’t make my feelings any less valid.

Went to Hannah’s house last night to drown my sorrows in wine and snuggle on the couch. Her husband made us pizza and we watched Netflix  (and Sherlock! OMG!) while I drunkenly looked for validation by feverishly swiping on Tinder (Spoiler: I didn’t find it).

Life advice from me to you: Do NOT use dating apps while drunk. It never ends well. Just don’t fucking do it.

Also: Tinder will never validate you.

I woke up this morning with a list of the most disappointing matches I’ve ever seen. And it just continued throughout the day as people continued to swipe right on me, reminding me of my drunken mistake(s). I’ve never done so much unmatching in my life. Not only that, but I gave out my phone number to a handful of people, and woke up to texts from them. I couldn’t remember who was who, and ended up just telling them all to delete my number. I vaguely remember interacting with them the night before as I looked over some of the texts. One of them was convinced I was some kind of spam bot, and told me to send him a selfie. I told him to stop being weird. At least I was in my right mind enough to not start sending drunken photos. Could’ve been worse (I mean, I could’ve gotten a bunch of dick pics or something- barf). I was also really fucking snarky with these guys. I’m so sick of messaging someone on Tinder, and getting no questions about me. They go on and on about themselves (which is good – I want to know about them!), but then they don’t ask me any follow up questions. Or the questions they ask are really lame… like, “What are you looking for on Tinder?” Okay, that’s an acceptable question, but also ask me something about myself! Fuck. Do you not want to know anything about me? Does that not fucking matter? OMG, also, not one fucking guy I’ve gone out with has asked to read my blog. NOT ONE. And almost none of them ask me about Acro, even though it’s mentioned in my profile, and I have photos. So last night I flat out said to one of them, “Interact with me! Ask me questions!” You know what he asked me?

“What are you looking for on Tinder?”

Fuuuuuuck.

What the fuck do you think I’m looking for?! Human connection, mostly. Preferably of the romantic variety, though that’s not required. Duh. Isn’t that what everyone is looking for to some extent?!

I can’t fucking stand this shit. I need a break. It is mentally exhausting to continually put myself out there. I can’t do it anymore. No dates this week. Just me, my amazing friends, and all the fucking yoga.

I have the best friends in the entire world. Seriously. How did I get so lucky to be constantly surrounded by such empathetic and insightful women? Fuck. I love you guys so much.

Thank you, Hannah, for taking care of me last night, for letting me be unapologetically myself (aka: a mess), and for doing drunken Acro with me. I’m sorry about your knee. I owe you some fucking veggie tacos for sure. Or a taco cake! Next week. I promise. ❤

Veggie tacos are a go-to meal in my house. Mostly because they’re so fucking easy, and I almost always have rice and/or beans in the fridge to go with ’em.

Veggie Tacos

1 onion, sliced

1 bell pepper, sliced

Corn tortillas

Olive oil

Taco seasonings (chili powder, cayenne, garlic, onion powder, cumin, red pepper flakes)

Salsa

Sour cream

Optional: thinly sliced radishes tossed with lemon juice and salt, lettuce, cheese, avocado, whatever the fuck else you want to top your taco with

Serve with rice and/or beans

Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Throw in the onion and pepper slices and generously sprinkle with the various taco seasonings (don’t over think it – just throw a few shakes of each seasoning in there!). Stir the veggies, making sure to coat everything in olive oil and seasoning. Let cook for a few minutes, stirring occasionally, until the onions are translucent and peppers have softened. Take however many tortillas you want, and char them over an open flame (or microwave them if you’re lame) on the stove top. This can also be done with an electric stove, but it takes longer and isn’t as fun. For directions on how to char the tortillas, check out the Taco Cake post. Fill your tortillas with a scoop of veggies, maybe some rice and beans, and any topping you want (I like salsa, sour cream, and radishes). Shovel that shit right into your mouth, along with 7 glasses of wine. Or beer. Whatthefuckever. But, whatever you do, do NOT drink and Tinder.

easy · gluten free · healthy · lunch · quick · Rice · Sauces · vegan · vegetarian

Vegan Chickpea and Spinach Stew

It’s that time of year again… time for setting a new year’s resolution. I have very mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I like the idea of making positive life changes and just trying to be an all around better human. On the other hand, I hate the idea that we think we have to change who we are (usually physically) every single year. Part of me wants to just blow off the whole fucking thing, but the other part of me has some goals set anyway. I mean, these goals aren’t dependent upon the new year, but have been sort of ongoing. Here is my list:

  • Eat mindfully (stop scarfing candy and cookies all the damn time)
  • Get my ass to more yoga classes
  • Advance my Acro practice
  • Limit social media to only checking twice daily
  • Travel EVERYWHERE

I recently got my passport renewed, so that last one is definitely going to happen this year. The others… we’ll see. The problem with wanting to change parts of yourself, either physically or mentally, is that it’s hard to also accept yourself as you are when you’re trying to change. So let’s all practice being a little bit gentler with ourselves. Fuck what society tells us. We are enough just as we are. And if we want to change something, we can, but that doesn’t mean we need to criticize ourselves in the process. Change takes time. It’s not instant.  And if we don’t want to change, that’s okay, too.

My new passport brought with it a sense of freedom I had not anticipated. My ex couldn’t travel for reasons I won’t get into, and so that kept me from traveling internationally. We would get into these huge fights anytime I went on a trip. It was a whole thing I’m not going to delve into right now, but it left me feeling trapped. It was a fight I didn’t want to have, so I let my passport expire for the first time in my life. Now that it has been renewed, and I’m divorced, I cannot wait to go exploring. Iceland and Brazil are both on the list. If you have cheap travel suggestions/tips, please let me know! I want to go EVERYWHERE.

Also, I signed up for Tinder last night, and promptly lost almost 2 hours of my life setting up my profile and swiping like mad. I currently have 11 matches, and almost no one is messaging me. Why swipe right if you don’t want to talk?! I give it 2 weeks before I lose my patience.

I think I’ll focus my energy on planning all the travel! Excitement!

Oh, and this recipe happened when I was searching for meals that would include a lot of protein. I’ve been really into chickpeas lately. And I’m always eating spinach, so this seemed like a good recipe to try. It’s delicious! And I didn’t even realize it was vegan until after I made it. Though, sometimes I add an egg on top, which obviously makes it not vegan anymore. It is also gluten-free! Yay! Side note: I am neither vegan nor gluten-free. This is still good, though! Try it!

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Vegan Chickpea and Spinach Stew

3 tablespoons olive oil

2-3 cloves of garlic, minced

1 medium onion, chopped

3 teaspoons ground cumin

1 1/2 teaspoons ground paprika

1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes

2-3 tablespoons brown sugar

1 (28 oz)can whole, peeled tomatoes, slightly drained and mashed

1 tablespoon tomato paste

1 (15 oz)can chickpeas

2 cups spinach (I didn’t actually measure this, but threw in a few big handfuls)

Salt and pepper to taste

Brown rice, cooked, for serving

Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add onions, and cook for several minutes, until the onions are translucent, stirring often. Add garlic and continue stirring, cooking for another minute or so. Add the spices and stir continuously for another minute or two. Add tomato paste and stir to combine. Add the mashed tomatoes with a little of the juice from the can, salt and pepper, and half of the sugar. Let simmer, stirring occasionally. Add more salt and pepper as needed, as well as the rest of the sugar (only if needed). Let simmer for just a couple of minutes, until sauce has thickened a little bit. Stir in the chickpeas and spinach. Continue to simmer, stirring frequently until chickpeas are heated through, and spinach is wilted. Add any final seasoning, and serve over a scoop of brown rice.

Feel smug about your healthy meal. But maybe have some ice cream for dessert. No one is perfect, and no one should try to be.

avocado · Beans · breakfast · brunch · comfort food · dinner · easy · eggs · gluten free · healthy · lunch · quick · Tacos · vegetarian

Breakfast Tacos

So I’ve been feeling really great about my body lately. I know – that’s not what women are supposed to say. We’re supposed to go on and on about how fat we are, desperately hoping for a compliment. Fuck that shit. I feel great. I mean, mostly. I backtracked today a little bit, when I weighed myself for the first time in 6 months. I’ve gained a little weight. It happens. What scared me was that I immediately went into this crazy, calorie counting mode. That’s how I deal with it – I obsessively count calories. It takes over my life, and is all around horrible. After mentioning this to my best friend, Cortney, she responded with this lovely thought…

“Girl, I totally understand what you are going through. I’m living that as well. I know how frustrating it is to want to restrict yourself after you gain weight, but don’t do it!! Don’t do that calorie counting shit–it’s so hurtful to your frame of mind and ruins the whole point of knowing and loving, and honoring your body’s needs.”

I love her so much.

What’s ridiculous is that before I knew the number on the scale, I felt great. Honestly, I still feel pretty great when I don’t think about the number. What the fuck does that number mean anyway? It’s always going to be higher than the average person, because I have crazy curves. And that’s awesome! Anyone who thinks otherwise can fuck right off.

I do think it’s important to nourish your body with healthy and delicious food, regardless of weight. So I will try to cut back on the desserts, and increase the veggies – but I will not count my calories. This is an important public service announcement. Seriously. I know my shit.

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You know what’s healthy and delicious? Tacos.

You know what’s better than regular tacos? Fucking breakfast tacos.

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Breakfast Tacos

1 or 2 corn tortillas (If you use flour tortillas, please never tell me. It will break my heart.)

1 or 2 eggs

Pinto beans

Brown rice

Salsa

Avocado

Optional toppings: Sour cream, green onion, sliced radishes tossed with lemon, whatever you like!

Heat the tortillas over an open flame on a gas stove, until slightly charred. Scramble the egg(s), scoop warm rice and beans onto a plate, and assemble tacos! Top with lots of salsa. Eat as many as you want – preferably while in your underwear, feeling great about your body.