I am finding it difficult to navigate my life in an authentic way, while not worrying that I’m coming across as high maintenance. I mentioned this a bit in the last post, too. Basically, I feel like by asking for what I want/need, I am then seen as high maintenance and/or needy. For example, I just had a text conversation with my landlord about the mice situation (ugh, I know!) in my apartment. He said the pest control company would be by today, and I immediately texted back stating that I don’t want any poison put down at all (I have a cat). It took him over an hour to get back to me (and pest control would be to my place soon), so I texted again, just asking him to get back to me before they arrive. He was super nice about it, but I found myself feeling insecure about voicing that concern. Why the fuck should I feel insecure about that?! Is being high maintenance not wanting your cat to die? Because if it is, then I guess I am! Whatever.
Look at that burnt little carrot bit! WTF?
This keeps happening with my dating bullshit, too. I’m so sick of these guys. Honestly, the 2 of them combined aren’t giving me enough attention. Before you start… yes, I do know how that sounds. Super fucking high maintenance, right? Listen. I haven’t seen either of them in a few weeks–one of them has been over a month. Yet they both insist that they still want to see me. Trust me, I’ve flat out asked them. There is the standard response of being too busy, and once there was the very valid excuse of having strep throat. But then I’ll get a text at 11pm from one of them asking if I want to hang out. Okay, fucker, I know where this is going. And that’s fine once in awhile, but that will not be the basis of our relationship. I’ve told him that flat out, yet I still get intermittent responses from him, or sometimes no response at all. Wow. So I finally decided… we’re done. I need way more attention than this. It’s just not going to work out. I texted him that I hope he finds someone that is looking for this type of relationship, that I don’t fault him for being busy, but that it’s just not enough for me. He responded right away (which is interesting, since it can often be awhile before I hear back from him) that he understands, and that he wishes me luck, too. It seems very clear to me that he wasn’t that interested… so why string me along like that? I will never understand men. Just say what you want! Why am I required to guess? Especially when I’m so up front with what I want and need. Fuck this shit. Moving on.
Apparently I’m going to join Tinder next month. Fuck my life.
Moral of the story… always ask for what you want, try not to feel bad about it, and do it even if you do feel bad about it. I can pretty much guarantee that if I was a man I wouldn’t be having this internal conflict. Men are expected to ask for what they want. Women are expected to provide it. No one knows what to do when a woman asks for what she wants and deserves. Well, get ready world, because according to my friend, Hannah, we are starting a revolution of women who love themselves.
Women who love themselves know they deserve more.
Now then… let’s make some fucking chowder.
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons olive oil
1-2 carrots, shredded and chopped (instructions below)
1 red bell pepper, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
3 tablespoons flour
3 cups vegetable stock
1 1/2 cups milk
2 medium to large potatoes, peeled and chopped or sliced however you like
12 oz fresh or frozen corn
Green onion, chopped
Salt and pepper
For the carrots: Use a vegetable peeler to peel thick strips. Pile those strips on top of each other and chop into 1″ pieces. Or, chop the carrots however you want. Rachel Ray told me to do it this way, and I always believe her. You should, too.
Heat the butter and oil in a large pot. Add the carrots, celery, and bell pepper. Saute over medium-high heat for about 5 minutes (the recipe said 7 minutes, but my carrots started to burn!). Add the flour one tablespoon at a time, and stir vigorously while it cooks for a few minutes. Slowly add the stock, while continuing to stir, then add the milk and stir well. Throw in the potatoes and some salt and pepper. Let simmer for about 8 minutes, stirring often. Add the corn and simmer for an additional 8-10 minutes. To thicken the soup, scoop out about 1 cup and blend until smooth in a blender or food processor. Add the blended cup back into the pot and stir to combine. Garnish with green onion. Serve with crusty bread (duh).
Don’t drop anything on the floor, because apparently your cat is napping instead of chasing away mice. The curse of being a good cat mom… she wants for nothing. This is why I have 6 professional (and cat safe!) mouse traps in my home. Sigh.