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Homemade Dog Treat Muffins

I taught my first yoga class last weekend. And by first, I mean my first class in a studio that was on the actual schedule (vs. just teaching for practice in my apartment). Guys… it was fucking magic. Let me just say that seeing everyone in Savasana at the end is really moving. I had this moment while looking out at everyone snuggled under their blankets and thought with a sigh, I did this. I fucking did this. They all looked so cozy and peaceful, and some of them were even lightly touching their neighbor (a friend/significant other). The room just felt so full of love.

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Ratchet is just the derpiest.

I chose to set the intention for the class, and tried my best to touch on it throughout class. The intention was, “I am enough.” It was in reference to the fact that society (or sometimes our friends and family) often make us feel as though we need to be more or less of who we really are (thinner, younger, smarter, less sensitive, quieter, more successful, etc). But fuck that – we are enough just as we are. At the end of class – during the last few minutes of Savasana, I read a quote aloud by Daniell Koepke, which one of my teachers shared during a class several months ago. It resonated with me so deeply that I asked her to send it to me. I chose it for my first class both because it speaks to who I am, and also as a nod to her, and how much she has impacted my life.

“Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to  change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honor my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose to make self care a priority. I choose me.”

Doesn’t that quote just make you want to go out and chase your fucking dreams? Seriously. It gives me chills, it’s so good. When I first heard that quote in class, I carried it with me for a long time after. It worked it’s way into my life, and was one of many things that allowed me to have the courage to become who I wanted to be – my most authentic self. All I want to do is teach that to others.

Fuck, these blog posts have been getting intense lately, haven’t they?! Bear with me on this. I’m transitioning right now, and it’s fucking hard. The lightheartedness will return.

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Boudreaux had to delicately taste it first, and then chomped it right down! He will be deeply missed.

I made these dog treats to say goodbye to one of my favorite dogs in the whole world. His owner is moving across the country, and unfortunately, the dog needs to make the move with him. Sometimes you have to say goodbye to people (and dogs) that you care about, and it fucking sucks. But not everyone in your life is meant to stick around the whole time. Sometimes they’re just around long enough to give you a little push, and then fucking change your whole life. It can be hard to let go of that sometimes… but that just means they were worth knowing. Also, he(the human, not the dog) taught me how to do this:

20160816_203209Which is not only super badass for all the obvious reasons, but also really body positive for me. I mean, look at my adorable belly in this! It’s so squishy and cute!

 

Dog Treat Muffins (original recipe found here)

1 egg (or, in my case, 1 flax egg!)

1/4 cup peanut butter

1/4 cup coconut oil

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/3 cup honey

1 cup shredded carrots

1 cup flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl, folding in the carrots last. Scoop into muffin tins and bake at 350 degrees for about 35 minutes. Feed to all your favorite furry friends. These are actually pretty good, and acceptable human snacks, too.

This also makes an adorable birthday cake for dogs! Just bake them in 4″ round cake pans and layer with peanut butter, then top with peanut butter and shredded carrots! It looks something like this:

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This is Rabbit. He’s so pissed we made him pose for a picture before getting to eat the cake.

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Fried Potatoes

I feel like I might be coming out of my fog. It feels good… better than good–fucking fantastic. The Yoga Teacher Training is on hiatus for right now, which means I’ve been able to get back to my physical practice. It feels so good to be able to actually practice yoga regularly again, rather that just learn about it and practice teaching (which is also awesome, just not the same). I think one of the best parts of going through this process was getting to know this amazing group of women. I was so lucky to learn along side so many beautiful and insightful people. Everyone was just endlessly supportive and encouraging. It sounds cheesy… but this has really been the best decision I have ever made for myself. It has been so fucking difficult and draining… but I really think that just means it’s worth it.

It’s so fucking worth it.

It’s really been a lesson about self-care, too. Juggling all the training and practice, along with work and socializing, meant giving up my quality alone time. Considering my anxiety level, that was okay with me at the time. Being alone was scary, and just meant I would focus on the anxiety. Being constantly on the go was a wonderful distraction. That being said… I think it’s important to take time for myself, even if that means I end up having to feel all my feelings. Feelings fucking suck. But then I’m reminded of what Cortney says… “Feelings mean you’re human. And human is good.”

So I’ve learned to be comfortable with myself again, after spending that last several months running from myself. And I’ve learned to feel my feelings (some days are more successful than others). It really is a constant battle, though. I challenge you all to designate at least a few hours each week (a whole day would be ideal) to spending quality time alone. The more you try to run from it, the more you need it.

I have been spending some of my alone time cooking again. It feels so good to be in the kitchen, not using a microwave. I made fried potatoes this weekend, and, fuck, I forgot how good they can be. Why do I always neglect my potatoes until they’re almost (or sometimes all the way) rotten, when I  could be making delicious fried potatoes every fucking day? Honestly, sometimes I question my intelligence.

I feel like every time I tell someone I had fried potatoes with my breakfast, they “Ooooo” and “Ahhhh” like I did something magical. Okay, people… they’re just potatoes. I mean, really. It’s so easy to make them – you can even do it on a workday. Why the fuck not? Or, you can be really smart, and make enough on Sunday to just reheat a portion every day throughout the week (I don’t have the foresight to do this). People also often comment about how that’s too much food for a weekday morning, or that they can’t have that many calories/carbs/fat, or whatever else nonsense they’ve told themselves. Listen – I cook 1 potato with onions and peppers in some coconut oil… then I eat about half of that with an egg on top. Don’t fucking tell me that’s too much food. I’m so fucking sick of everyone feeling the need to comment on what others eat. Can we all just stop punishing ourselves and each other for consuming food (which is vital to our existence)?

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Fried Potatoes

1 potato (red/yellow/russet/whatevs), cubed

1/4 onion, chopped

1/4 to 1/2 green bell pepper, chopped

Coconut oil (2ish tablespoons)

Salt and pepper

Heat coconut oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add cubed potato, plus salt and pepper. Reduce heat slightly, and cover skillet with a large lid for a couple minutes. Uncover skillet, being very careful of splattering oil! If you also don’t wear pants in the kitchen, I recommend an apron for this part to avoid burning your thighs/belly (I also wasn’t wearing a shirt, and was terrified – apparently cooking in my underwear is becoming a regular thing). If you’re not careful, the condensation on the bottom of the lid will drip into the skillet, causing the oil to freak the fuck out. To avoid this, I turn off the heat and wait a few minutes before removing the lid. Don’t judge me. Turn the potatoes over to brown the other side, and add the onion and pepper, plus more salt and pepper. Fry over medium heat for a few minutes, covering with a lid for a few minutes to speed up the cooking process. Stir occasionally and make sure that things are browning evenly. Uncover for the last several minutes to ensure some extra crispiness.

When they’re done (or almost done), fry an egg over easy. Scoop some potatoes onto a plate, and top with said egg. Try not to poke a hole in the bottom of your egg, causing it to look weird and sunken in the middle. But even if that happens, don’t worry… it’ll still be fucking awesome. Pretend you’re having brunch on a Monday morning by yourself, and serve yourself a virgin mimosa (it’s orange juice mixed with disappointment).

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Pizza Saves the Day (Or at least makes it less shitty)

I haven’t been able to blog lately for many reasons. With everything going on in our country (and in my city especially), all the shootings and violence… it just didn’t seem important to write a silly blog about food. It felt disrespectful. I live in Minneapolis, and my city has been hit especially hard lately. You can feel the tension in the air. It’s heartbreaking and mentally exhausting for me (but nothing compared to how other people are affected by it). The feeling of helplessness is very real right now. I know I’m not alone in that. The only thing I’ve found that helps is to talk about it… to stop pretending it’s not happening… to stay connected, and to support each other. My friend sent me a link to wonderful resources for those that want to learn more – find it here.

Another reason for my lack of writing is the fact that I’m in the middle of a big transition right now. After months of ignoring my emotions surrounding my divorce, I’m suddenly hitting them head on. It’s confusing and lonely, but will ultimately result in a lot of self growth (hopefully). I’ve been dealing with a ton of anxiety lately, which I think stems from the divorce, but I’m not entirely sure (anxiety never likes to explain itself). It’s making me feel like I need to move into a new apartment, or even a new city (I won’t), and just causing an overwhelming feeling of restlessness and unease. The best (but temporary) remedy for this to is go for a walk outside, preferably with a friend. If you get random texts from me asking to go for a walk right now… it’s because I’m overflowing with anxiety, and I need help. My friends have been really amazing about responding and connecting with me when I’m feeling like that, and I deeply appreciate it.

As most of you know, I’ve also been in Yoga Teacher Training for 18 hours every weekend this month. It is both physically and mentally exhausting, but is definitely one of the best (and hardest) things I’ve ever done for myself. On top of those 18 hours, I’m also spending time practicing both my teaching and my physical practice every single day. I went into this training fully expecting to be terrible, but knowing I would love it anyway. Turns out I not only love it, but I’m not so terrible. I mean, I’m definitely still learning and figuring it all out, but it’s not as scary as I thought it’d be. It really feels like this is what I should be doing. My teachers have been amazing, inspiring, and encouraging. I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. But that doesn’t change the fact that this is really fucking hard. And I’m really fucking tired.

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Seriously, this is my life.

This combination of things has led to a not so healthy diet, and a serious lack of energy. I’ve been eating an obscene amount of boxed mac and cheese. In my defense, I often mix in some Garbanzo beans to add a little extra protein. I’ve also been ordering a lot of pizza. For some reason, I got a magical “free pizza” coupon in the mail the other day. I have no idea what I did to have this wonderful gift bestowed upon me by the universe, but there it was… all unassuming in my mailbox. I almost threw it out, thinking it was junk mail. The only downside is that the coupon only allows for 2 toppings. I’m a topping junkie… I get nearly every non-meat topping possible, plus triple mushrooms and extra cheese. I mean, duh. Who doesn’t do that?

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Is the coupon fairy real?

Somehow, though I’m hardly cooking at all, I’ve still managed to dirty nearly every dish in my apartment. I don’t have the energy to wash them, so I posted a status on Facebook the other day offering to pay someone in baked goods to clean for me. Everyone thought it was a joke, so I still have a sink full of dirty dishes, and my shower is still full of mold. WTF. Seriously… I will pay someone $10 to clean my kitchen for me. That’s all I can afford. The struggle is fucking real, guys.

If you haven’t realized it yet, there’s no recipe in this post. I physically and mentally cannot cook right now. I won’t do it. You can’t make me.

How to Order Pizza

  1. Call your local pizza dealer (or pull up their website).
  2. Tell them what you want on your pizza (mushrooms and jalapenos).
  3. Splurge for garlic dipping sauce.
  4. Pay the delivery person, and tip well.
  5. Shove pizza into face.

This blog post is dedicated to Hannah, who hates to cook.

Berry Banana Smoothie

I’m officially signed up to teach a class at two yoga studios.

Holy shit.

My anxiety likes to chime in here and say, “Who do you think you are? You don’t know enough to teach other people.” To which I usually respond with, “Fuck OFF.” Anxiety can be such an asshole sometimes. Besides, I like to think my lack of skill will only make me more relatable as a teacher. I mean, who wants a teacher that’s perfect at everything anyway?

I joke about it, but I’m actually completely terrified to teach. Downright petrified. I can’t even get into a headstand without a wall behind me. Sigh.

One of my amazing friends was visiting from California this week and last week. We got to spend 2 1/2 luxurious days together, doing all the yoga, drinking champagne, and eating donuts. Those are basically my 3 favorite things. I got to practice teaching with her at the park, where we took some amazing/hilarious photos. I also particularly enjoyed going to a yoga class together, and then immediately hitting up the donut shop around the corner (while carrying our yoga mats). Clearly, I’m not one of those vegan/gluten free/no sugar/raw/all natural yogis. I do what I want.

This is the face of a future yoga teacher:

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Here’s the pose done as correctly as I am able:

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She got to try out Acro with me, too! I based her in her first Acro pose. I wish there was photographic evidence of this. Or, even better, video. There was a lot of squealing involved. I also helped her get into a headstand for the first time, which also involved a lot of squealing.

Anyway, I’ve been into smoothies lately because it was crazy hot a couple weeks ago, and I was tired of sweating before 8am. I usually do the banana peanut butter one that I’ve already blogged about, but sometimes I like to switch it up a little. This is one variation.

Also, it has come to my attention that my meals have become quite carb-heavy since switching to vegetarianism. If anyone has any suggestions as to how I can add extra protein and reduce my need to rely on carbs, I’d appreciate it. I don’t know how to cook lentils or quinoa properly, either, so I’ll be working on that in blog posts coming up. Right now I’m mostly relying on pasta, rice, and pizza dough (I know… .try not to judge me). Send me vegetarian recipes that you like, please!

Berry Banana Smoothie

1 banana

1/4 cup frozen mixed berries

1/4 cup orange juice

1/4 cup almond milk

1 tablespoon chia seeds

1 tablespoon flaxseed meal

2 dates (optional – for added sweetness)

1 tablespoon pumpkin seeds (optional – for added protein and iron)

Throw it all in a blender, and blend until smooth. Sip slowly on a hot day, enjoying the fact that you’re not covered in sweat immediately after showering.

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Mushroom Stroganoff

It’s almost my birthday. I’m going to be 31. Sigh. But it’s fine, because everyone tells me I look 25. Those same people also routinely tell me I look 30 pounds lighter than I actually am. I’m starting to think maybe these people are liars.

I love them so much.

So I have the burden of trying to figure out what I want to do to celebrate, and cannot get my shit together. I can choose the obvious bar night… but do I really want to be hungover the next day? It kills a whole fucking day, and I’m going to want to make it to a yoga class. Hungover yoga is not fun. Trust me. You just end up in Child’s Pose the whole time, while somehow still sweating out the booze. Not cute. Also, you end up getting severely judged by your yoga teacher, though he’ll swear he’s an open-minded person.

If we go out to a bar, I cannot get crazy. CANNOT. Everyone else can be crazy… but I’m just not in the mood to be out of control. And I fucking hate being hungover! The worst.

My other choices are dinner, drive-in movie (which, let’s face it, will still involve booze), host a party (too much work), a pool party (too far away, and requires my mom to be involved), or ignoring the day and pretending I’m not disappointed (unlikely). I’m a disaster. Sighhhhhh. Suggestions are welcome.

Anyway, food stuff! I’m a recent vegetarian, and I want no judgement for this. I’m not going to start judging everyone else for eating meat. I totally get it – pork belly is fucking delicious. You do you. And I’ll do me.

Anyway, becoming a vegetarian can be kind of difficult when you only have a handful of meat-free meals in your regular rotation. It gets boring, you know? So I’ve been trying new recipes lately. I make a lot of mushroom pasta (as you know), but was looking for a different variation. Stroganoff is one of my favorite meals in the world, so I was excited to find this recipe on Pinterest the other day. I modified it a little bit (because I forgot to get a couple ingredients), but it still turned out great.

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Mushroom Stroganoff

1-2 tablespoons butter

1 medium onion, diced

3 cloves garlic, minced

2 cups button mushrooms, sliced

3-4 portobello mushrooms, gills removed and sliced

1 tablespoon flour

2 1/2 cups vegetable broth

1 tablespoon coarse ground mustard

1 tablespoon soy sauce

1 tablespoon fresh thyme (or dry… it’s fine.)

1 tablespoon fresh rosemary, minced

1/4 cup sour cream

Egg noodles – 1 pound, cooked according to package instructions

Salt and pepper

Optional: Parmesan cheese

Melt butter in a large skillet, and add onion. Cook for 3-5 minutes, or until onions are translucent. Stir often. Add mushrooms and cook for another 5 minutes or so before adding the garlic, plus some salt and pepper. Cook for 5 more minutes. Sprinkle the flour over everything, and stir well. Keep stirring while everything cooks for a few more minutes. The flour will make everything stick to the bottom of the pan – splash in a little veggie broth (about 1/4 to 1/2 cup) to help deglaze the pan. Stir in the rest of the broth, mustard, soy sauce, salt, and pepper. Bring to a boil, then simmer for 5-8 minutes. The sauce will thicken a lot – keep stirring. Add the fresh (or dry) herbs, and cook for a few more minutes. Remove from heat for 5ish minutes, then add the sour cream. Mix well, and pour over the top of cooked egg noodles. Feel free to add some shredded parmesan. Shovel into face.

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Vegan Snickerdoodle Cookies

I’m not sure what the deal is, but I had horrendous anxiety tonight. Like, I was fine all fucking day, but then this evening hit, and I just lost it. Does this happen to anyone else? I ended up calling Cortney in a panic, and she calmed me right down. I have the best friends in the world, for real. Even when I’m being irrational and frantic, they always reassure me that my feelings are valid, and that it’s important to just let myself feel things. I think that is worth repeating, since it’s only been within the last few years that I have come to accept this…

Regardless of how you are feeling, or how other people might feel in your situation… even if it seems silly or irrational… please know – your feelings are valid. Always. 

It probably doesn’t help that I keep cramming 25 things into my days, instead of just giving myself time to relax. I have 3 separate friends coming to visit in the next week, plus the teacher training, plus work, plus yoga, and trying to fit in time to see my mom once in awhile. It’s a disaster mostly. Seems appropriate, considering I am mostly a disaster all the time. It’ll all work itself out… right?

On a whim, I decided to make these cookies for my Yoga Teacher Training class today. Class started at 11:30am, and I got up a 7:15am to get all my shit done. This meant going cat sitting, stopping at the farmer’s market, doing laundry, and baking these cookies. I was pleasantly surprised with my mad time management skills when everything was done, except the cookies, by 9:45am. I was like, “Fuck yeah! I have so much time to bake! This’ll be done in like 40 minutes.” So I started mixing everything together without reading the full recipe first. I got all the way to the end before I read, “Refrigerate dough for 1 hour.”

W.T.F.

It was like 10:10am at this point, and I needed to leave my apartment by 11:20am. PANIC.

But I’m a fucking pro. So, fuck yeah those cookies made it to class. Maybe they were too hot to have a lid on their Tupperware container, but they fucking made it.

Unrelated: Can someone please fucking help me get my air conditioner unit into my window? I’m fucking melting over here.

Also unrelated: I nailed my fucking headstand this week!

 

Vegan Snickerdoodle Cookies

1 1/2 cups flour

2 tablespoons corn starch

2/3 cup granulated sugar

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

4 tablespoons flaxseed meal

4 tablespoons almond milk

6 tablespoons cashew butter

6 tablespoons coconut oil

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

Warning: This recipe requires refrigeration of the dough for 1 hour! You need to know that before going in.

In a large mixing bowl, combine flour, corn starch, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Mix well. In a smaller bowl, whisk together flaxseed meal and almond milk, then add cashew butter, oil, vanilla, and cinnamon. Whisk together until all ingredients are fully incorporated. Add wet mixture to dry ingredients. You’ll need to use your hands a little for this one… add about a tablespoon of water if not holding together, and knead with your hands. Once all the ingredients are fully mixed in, and dough can hold together in a ball, wrap with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour.

Mix equal parts cinnamon and sugar into a small bowl (I did 3 tablespoons of each). Roll balls of dough (1ish inch in size) in the cinnamon/sugar mixture, and arrange on a cookie sheet. These cookies will not spread, so feel free to cram as many as you can get onto one cookie sheet. Press each one down with a fork, and bake at 375 degrees for 11 minutes.

Let cool, then shovel them all into your face. Be shocked that they don’t taste like shit (because they’re vegan).

 

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Pesto Pasta

 

I’ve been a little MIA lately.

I haven’t been blogging much for several reasons…

  1. It’s been hot as fuck outside, and the last thing I want to do is turn on the oven/stove/toaster. I just want to eat ice cream in my underwear. Don’t judge me.
  2. Yoga Teacher Training started! My weekends are so jam packed full of yoga, it’s ridiculous (and awesome). It doesn’t leave much time for anything else.
  3. It’s summer, so the free time I do have, I want to spend outside.
  4. My yoga schedule even outside of training is seriously ridiculous. I’m turning into a full on junkie.

In other news… I bought a fucking bikini! Don’t worry about me… I’m just over here taking body positivity to a whole new level. NBD.

Did you know that you can wear a bikini and still eat pasta? It’s true. Society would like to convince you otherwise, but I’m here to tell you… you can do whatever the fuck you want to do. Everyone else can fuck right off. So I’m going to go ahead and wear my size 16 bikini. I might even wear it (gasp) in front of other people. That’s right – no more swim dresses for me!

All this empowerment might wear off when I’m actually in a public space… but let’s pretend I’m really badass enough to handle it.

Anyway, I made this pasta the other day after I splurged on store bought basil and made a shit-ton of pesto. The budget situation isn’t going well. I can’t excel everywhere. Honestly, I’m only human.

In my defense, I was going to go to the store again to get ingredients for a blog post, when I decided that I had enough shit at home to throw something together. Adulting like a pro! This pasta came together in about 20 minutes, and is really easy to make. The sauce could have been improved with a little heavy cream, so go ahead and add that if you have some on hand. If not, it’s still awesome. I also think sauces like this go better with longer noodles like spaghetti or linguine, but that’s not what I had in my cupboard, so I made due.

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Pesto Pasta

8oz pasta of your choice

1 cup mushrooms, chopped

1/2 onion, chopped

1/4 cup pesto (I froze mine in ice trays, and used 2 cubes)

1-2 large handfuls spinach

Olive oil

Salt and pepper

Shredded Parmesan

Boil pasta until al dente. In a large skillet, brown mushrooms in olive oil (or butter) over medium-high heat. While the pros will tell you to “not crowd the mushrooms,” I really think there is very little change in flavor. I spent the time browning mushrooms for this, and not only was it a huge pain in the ass, but I really didn’t notice a difference. For those that don’t know what this means, basically you just make sure the mushrooms have enough space that they aren’t overlapping in the pan, otherwise they will just steam instead of brown. Do what you want with this information. If you’re browning them, set them aside to cook the onions in the same pan (if you’re not browning them, just throw the onions and mushrooms into the pan together). Once the onions are translucent and slightly brown, add the mushrooms back into the pan, along with the spinach and pesto. Lower the heat to medium-low, and add salt and pepper to taste. Once everything is fully incorporated, dump in the strained pasta and stir well. Add more salt and pepper, if needed. Serve topped with shredded parmesan cheese.

Maybe throw on your favorite bikini while eating this… in front of other people.

#nomorebodyshaming

 

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PB & J + Potato Chips

I went swimsuit shopping today. I walked in there with all this confidence… and was immediately put in my place. First of all, why is it so fucking difficult to get something in my size that isn’t fucking disgusting? I’m tired of hiding under skirts and extra layers to hide my thighs and hold my belly in. It’s exhausting. I just want to wear a swimsuit that is comfortable, and cute. Is that so much to fucking ask?

First, I tried a little online shopping at Aerie. They are my go to source for the best underwear, and they refuse to photoshop their models. Plus! They just signed a plus size model to model their standard size clothing. This is a big deal, guys. Anyway, I thought for sure I’d find something on their website.

I am a naive person. Or maybe just a little dumb. Maybe both. Who knows?

Those fuckers didn’t even have my size at all. Apparently, my boobs are too big to be contained by Aerie.

So I went to Target today. I buy lots of clothing at Target, and can always shop their standard size section (I’m one of those people that can shop in both plus size and standard size… usually). So I walk in, and am overwhelmed by all the options right inside the front door. There are stripes and polka dots, bikinis with cute bows and ruffles, one pieces with these cool sheer stripes, all covering 2 huge walls, plus several racks in the middle of the floor. I went digging, highly optimistic.

Sigh. I’m just so naive.

NOTHING FUCKING FIT.

You want to know how many options they had in their plus size section? There was one rack, and everything on it was a variation of the same black, skirted, one piece. God forbid someone see my upper thighs!

Swimsuit skirts can fuck off. I don’t need to hide behind you anymore!

I like to think I’m bold enough to wear a bikini, and just tell everyone to fuck right off. Clearly, the clothing industry has other ideas.

Fuck you, society. Stop body shaming me.

Also, put some fucking underwire in those swimsuits! WTF?

PB & J + Potato Chips

2 pieces of white bread

Jam of choice (I chose my fancy homemade plum jam, but you do you)

Peanut butter

Potato chips

Assemble sandwich in obvious manner. Then smoosh the sandwich a little bit to crush the chips a bit. Shove in your mouth with extra potato chips.

I think this is the best thing that’s ever happened to my mouth.

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Breakfast Salad and Life Changes

As many of you know, I have a bit of a yoga obsession. It’s right up there with ice cream for me. I’ve only been practicing for a little over a year, but feel drawn to yoga unlike anything else. So I’ve decided to take the leap and sign up for a teacher training program. This doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to most people, but this is huge for me. I’ve never loved something enough to really dive in head first like this. I mean, not as a adult. There are things I’ve dabbled in, or thought about doing “someday.” This is the first time I ever thought to myself… what about now?

I had been talking myself out of it for months… telling myself that I wasn’t good enough yet, that I needed more practice… that I had to nail that headstand first. I thought I’d take the training next year, once I was ready… once everything was perfect. Fuck perfect. I’ve been waiting my whole life to take chances, to believe in myself enough to jump in. I’ve been waiting for everything to align perfectly, so that I’d then feel ready, and wouldn’t have to worry about failure. Failure isn’t so scary. It just means we wanted something enough to try. What’s wrong with that?

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I’m drinking with Hannah this weekend, so there will be stories next week. And more snark. I guess I’m not always feeling snarky. This week I’m feeling inspired.

I would also like to mention that I based 2 people at the same time in Acro Yoga this week. Like a fucking bad-ass.

Breakfast Salad

2ish cups of mixed greens

1 egg

Shredded carrot (like half a carrot’s worth)

2ish tablespoons thinly sliced onion and/or chopped green onion

2ish tablespoons chopped bell peppers

2 tablespoons sunflower seeds

Salt and pepper

Dressing:

1/4 avocado

1 tablespoon stone ground mustard

3 tablespoons water

Juice from one lemon wedge

Salt and pepper

Fill a small sauce pan with water and bring to a boil. Lower in egg with a slotted spoon and let boil for 6 minutes (or, if you’re like me, 9 minutes…. but then the yolk will be hard and sad). A 6 minute egg will be soft-boiled, which is wonderful on salad. The yolk mixes with the dressing and makes everything more delicious. Eggs are the only food that come with their own sauce. USE IT.

While the egg is boiling, throw the greens and veggies into a large bowl. Mix the dressing together by throwing all ingredients into a bowl, and mushing it all together with a fork. Drizzle over the salad, and top with the soft-boiled egg (don’t forget to peel it). If you eat meat, add a little bacon to this.

I have found that this salad does not need cheese. The yolk is rich enough. However, if you feel the need to have cheese, no one is stopping you.

I’m a big fan of pairing this with a donut. But you do you.

 

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Eva’s Peanut Butter Banana Smoothie

I’m constantly trying to be healthier. This is contradicted by my excessive cookie and donut consumption (not to mention my drinking), but I do the best I can (no I don’t).

I have developed this habit of eating snacks instead of meals lately. I don’t know how this happened… I’ve never been the type of person to substitute a snack for a meal. I mean, more food versus less food? More food always wins. The other night I literally ate a handful of tortilla chips before collapsing into bed. Since when does 150 calories of chips count as a meal to me? It’s all very confusing.

Today for lunch, I ate half of a veggie wrap. HALF. I’ve never eaten half of anything. Except a pizza. I always eat half a pizza.

This may not surprise anyone, but I’m a recovering binge eater. I didn’t have the words to describe what I was doing until about a year ago, but I’ve known that I “emotional eat” occasionally (or, when I was in college, a LOT). It’s been mostly under control for the last few years, but I still indulge a lot (which is not the same as a full on binge). This eating half of something, and saving the rest for later is completely new. I’ve done that on occasion, but not without it being a real struggle for me. Lately, I’ve actually been recognizing when I’m full, and then (gasp) not eating any more. 

When did I become such a balanced human being?

I’m wondering if it has to do with all the yoga, and being more aware and accepting of my body. This is why I’m so adamant about loving your body, and encouraging others to love their bodies. There’s no one way to look. We’re all different, and there is nothing wrong with that. Shaming each other only creates anxiety and eating disorders. No one really wants to cause that for someone else, right? Unless you’re a real asshole. In which case, go fuck yourself. I’m not listening to you.

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I also used to obsessively count calories, which I realize contradicts a binge eating disorder, but is true nonetheless. One of my go-to foods during the calorie counting phase (do “phases” last for years?!) was this banana peanut butter smoothie. My friend (and former cafe coworker), Eva, made it for me. Her original recipe is a bit simpler, but this is still a very quick “meal,” and I’ve added some more nutritional value (back then I was only worried about it being the least amount of calories possible). I no longer pay attention to caloric intake, but choose to eat whatever I want in moderation. And I always try to add extra nutrients to my food via chia seeds, flax seed, nuts, an added veggie, etc.

Also, sometimes I want mac and cheese for dinner… and that means I get to have it. Anyone who says otherwise can fuck off.

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Eva’s Peanut Butter Banana Smoothie

1 banana (or two, for added creaminess)

6ish large ice cubes

1/2 cup almond milk

1 large spoonful of peanut butter (This is something I used to measure obsessively – don’t do that! Just throw in a big spoonful and be happy!)

1 tablespoon flax seed meal

1 tablespoon chia seeds

Throw it all in a blender, and blend until smooth. Sometimes I add berries. Sometimes I omit the peanut butter and add a lot of berries, and some OJ. Do what you want.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not awesome just the way you are.